I just have a simmering emotion inside me, so I am writing in an attempt to come closer to it and peel out its various layers, and something tells me it’s going to take a long time to get to the bottom of this one. To come to terms with what we have we first have to come to terms with what we do not have. I have often observed that when we are in conflict with ourselves, we are searching for answers of questions from which the conflict arises. The search involves denial, acceptance, helplessness, acceptance of the helplessness and then if your lucky you may just get your answer. The longest step in this process is the acceptance of the helplessness and that is something we do are best to run away from. We try to push it away, to feel we are in control of ourselves, and just when we think that its gone, it just catapults itself back at us, repelling back the same force we suppressed it with. Then we realize we should not fight it, as it is meaningless to fight with what is in us. This realization brings us closer to what we are feeling, what is the conflict, it brings us closer to our self. When we overcome the helplessness we gain the power to approach the problem with no apprehensions, just a desire to experience it and let it be within or without us.
I say within us, because they are always some desires which remain unfulfilled, trying to attain them is like pushing a wall, however hard you may try, something’s cannot be moved and something’s may never change. I felt like using the word may, because after all it’s the hope for a better tomorrow that keeps us going. Unless we come to terms with this fulfillment we will never be able to value all that is fulfilled, within and around us. This brings me back where I started, to come to terms with what we have we first have to come to terms with what we do not have. Attachment is essential as it is the first step in the process of detachment.
I say without us, because after attachment, and the acceptance of the fact that a certain desire will not be fulfilled, the process of detachment starts, where we separate ourselves from the desire and all its trappings. The journey involves the realization that the desire is not a part of us, it is an experience we have gone through. When this happens we observe it, question its core, and finally are at peace with ourselves, and there ends the conflict. We have come to terms with it, now we have the vision to appreciate what we are, and what is.
The conflict has ceased to exist, the lesson has been learnt and understood, the path has ended, but the journey has started, the journey which starts from you and ends with your ‘self’, and this is just a step forward.
Thank you
